Ok so therapy is fucking hard!
I'm struggling on multiple levels... I'm bored at work cause I dont know what I'm supposed to do while waiting for the reorganization to be over...
I also feel totally disconnected from work. I look around and see people chasing their tails and I just feel so slow compared to them. Reminds me of the Matrix. I've seen the other side and they don't... and I've made the decision of not going back to that disconnected fast paced world. I just don't know where I'm supposed to go from here.
Also pretty upset/stressed and very anxious about the stepdaughter moving back in with us. There haven't been any serious talks and she hasn't told her dad yet but every time she comes she's working on cleaning up her room and told her mom she wants to repaint it (I really don't wanna pay for that since she had already picked the actual colors but in my generous way told my partner that I might pay half but no more?!?)
I feel like everybody just wants me to fix myself so that they can all go back to whatever they were doing before I moved in. I feel it's all up to me to grin and bear it so that everybody but me will be happy.
Can't seem to be able to breathe deeply since then. I will like I'm on death row just waiting for the unavoidable to happen.
So my training sucks and I'm eating junk to try to feel normal.
My partners bday is coming up and all I feel like doing is curl up in a ball and cry until I fall asleep hoping to wake up in 5 years...
After venting at the therapist, next week we'll explore where that pain is coming from... fun fun :(