Tuesday, January 27, 2015

I'm alive

And pretty good. Bored with my job but I'm working on carving a better spot for myself. Can't really complain much though cause my benefits are very good compared to so many people.

Having good weeks workouts wise. Food wise this week has been better than last week. (No restaurant so far!!)

But I do have a happy hour this week... will try to stay focused ;)

Bought a home scale again to keep track of my weight again... so far every single time I step on it my weight hasn't changed. So it's either a tad depressing of that scale is defective! Lol

Started shopping for a motorcycle. Cannot wait!!

That's it for now :))

Sunday, December 28, 2014

setting goals

fitness is weird. I haven't eaten nearly as badly during the holidays so far, but since I haven't done much physical activities, I'm still a mess!

Went to swim practice today and was really out of breath :(((

and I am fearing doing squats again cause I know my quads will hurt for a week afterwards :(

but I've got an interesting goal... once I get under 200lbs I will buy myself a Garmin Forerunner 920XT

I've been wanting it ever since it came out... lol but my partner figures I'm better off only getting it for myself after reaching a significant goal.

so yeah, that's what I'm aiming for this year :D

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Some sort of year recap

Not sure how much I'll blog during the holidays so thought I'd get this one in.

My plan is to start working out again during the holidays. Some sort of new years resolution rehearsals lol

2014 hasn't been what I wanted it to be but I'm still pretty happy about it.

The fact I finally started seeing a therapist alone makes it a great year! I had been thinking about it for years but always ended up pushing it back for some reason.

I'm also already able to see improvements  in how I handle stress, my emotions, my communications, the step kids and last but definitely not least my relationship with food.

So what for 2015? 2015 is the no excuse/no bullshit year. I know what I need to do (get fit before 40), I know how to do it + have the support to help me achieve my goals and I'm removing the roadblocks one by one with the therapist.

So yeah 2015 is the year my physical activity and healthy eating habits stop being optional.

I'm putting my needs first before trying to save the world without feeling guilty about it.

2015 is the year I claim my badass self back!

2015 is also the year I'll get a motorcycle!! :))) 

Sunday, December 21, 2014

pre-holiday update

ok so I'm late! but it's ok cause I've got amazing news!

Got the official word on my year end bonus and I'm gonna have the biggest bonus of my life!! I had already planned to put it all in my RRSP cause I don't have much at all. Also had planned to see my therapist every other week after the holidays since my insurance will be done covering it for a while.

I thought it was the smart compromise, until I got home! lol my partner had other plans! told me I should put most of it in RRSPs but also keep enough aside to keep seeing my therapist every week + buy a motorcycle this spring!

So yeah, I'm beyond excited! and well thanks to the work I've been doing with the therapist I actually am in a place where I could take my partner's suggestion... so it's pretty cool

will start shopping around for a motorcycle this spring :D

in the meantime will continue the yearly tradition to go to the motorcycle show at the end of February with a bunch of coworkers. I'll be shopping around for women riding groups so I can have a busy summer with my new motorcycle :D


Monday, December 8, 2014

in other news

can't say I've been eating well... I'm half-assing (new word! ;)) my workouts as well...

trying to get back to a more sustainable routine... I keep hoping at some point it'll be easy but it won't... I have to accept that

already kinda gave up on losing a lot of weight before my annual exam at my doctor's office :(

I really need to stop putting pressure on myself to lose x pounds before x date... the more I do the more I rebel against it and just sabotage myself...

I still think I have plenty of time to reach a healthy weight before turning 40... but I also think it's time for me to get my ass in gear if I want it to be gradual instead of crazy strict!

:D

it's that time of the year :D

Quarterly financial results, end of year bonuses time of year :D

I don't know the exact number yet, but 95% sure it'll be the biggest end of year bonus of my life!

so yeah I'm happy :)

not that I'm gonna spend any of it though, it's all going into an RRSP to hopefully eventually catch up to my partner's contributions!

happy dance :D

we're looking into me buying a motorcycle + her either getting some personal thing done next year.

I cannot wait! (*crossing fingers so I end up buying a motorcycle next summer*)

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Honestly this is fun!

The #RWRunStreak is getting me out the door on occasions I normally wouldn't!
Ran through rain, sleet, snow and black ice so far! Lol
Running very slowly though cause I don't wanna pull my groin like last time I ran in snow.
But yeah I'm enjoying this. Got day 7 done yesterday. Will run later today. Will need to be creative tomorrow cause I've got a very full day that starts very early and will end in the early hours of Sat. Similar situation Saturday next week as I'm off to Toronto for the CWHL All-star game :)
Since I love road trips so much I'm pretty happy about the 2 upcoming ones.
Tomorrow I finish the day by going to pick up my parents at the airport in Plattsburgh. That'll end our car-sitting.
Funny how ever since we started the car-free experiment we keep having people leave us their cars cause we live near the airport. We even had 2 cars the past weeks!
But yeah its been over a year without a car and I can't say I regret it. Sure it requires more planning and you end up using more active means of transportation. But even when we really need a car and so we rent one, I didn't expect to feel such an incredible peace of mind cause it's always pretty new cars and I don't even need to be concerned about their maintenance!
My partner and I both know we'll eventually buy a car again when we need it but for now we're pretty happy not paying for licence plates, winter tires, oil changes and odd repairs. :)
Only downside being unless we get my parents car again we won't go cross country ski a lot this winter...

Monday, December 1, 2014

RWRunningStreak anyone?

Oh and on the streak front, I almost gave up yesterday... lol

But was already feeling the shame of not getting through day #4 + hearing my partner making fun of me forever (how can you live up to that really?)

So I ended up running 1 mile in the light rain last night. Had a blast so I gotta keep getting my ass out the door!

Will aim for a bit earlier tonight though... Prolly after the garage or light supper

Scorpio will be scorpios

Alright. So I had a very busy weekend filled with errands and me volunteering.

Had a great time volunteering at the rink. Was so much fun being part of the hockey crowd again. And since I've been pretty isolated the past year (maybe years lol) it felt great to meet so many interesting people sharing my passion for hockey :)

And well scorpios being scorpios I ended up having some king of attraction to someone I met there. Lol nothing happened (heck I don't even know if she's gay) and it's not like I fell head over heals or anything. Just what seems to be the beginning of an attraction/I'd like to know you better kind of deal. Lol

Even today I'm still puzzled by it. I mean she is attractive and friendly and all but I'm wondering if it's just that I've finally met someone I'd really like to be friends with. Since that hasn't happened in quite a while (in fact I had pretty much lost hope of meeting people with at least some interests in common so we could be friends)

Although at this point it's too early to tell if it's going to be like everyone else and just be some acquaintance I run into whenever I do x (x could be work, hockey, volunteering etc. I seem to have a hard time taking friendships outside of the context where it started. So to me those are acquaintances not quite friends per se)

Also a consideration is the fact that she is single, is roughly my age and has no kids. No kids alone could justify any kind of attraction! Lol

Anyways I'm being a real trooper questioning everything and over thinking it but it has been so long that it's kinda fun and exciting :)

I'll put that on the excitement of meeting new peeps :D 

Thursday, November 27, 2014

So who else is doing

The #RWRunStreak ??

Started this morning with a 2 miles run. I'm really not aiming for high mileage. I just wanna use this opportunity to get more consistency. :)

Swim practice tomorrow so I'll have to find a way to sneak at least a 1 mile run during the day...

Happy thanksgiving neighbors!! In the past it used to mean my American gf was flying up to see me (yeah I've dated a couple of those Americans ;)) so I was thankful.

Now I live with my partner so I'm thankful every day! :D

Have fun and be safe!

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Winter eh?

Trip to Florida was awesome!

But ever since I got back it's been snowing and cold! I know I know. That's what Canada is about... still was a tad early for me.

Now we're having a couple of warm days before the return of cold and snow possibly for good!

Been having great sessions with my therapist doing lots of progress. But my progress seems to trigger people around me (namely my partner and her daughter who hates me).

My partner is very happy and supportive nonetheless and it's finally allowing our relationship to progress even more so that's pretty cool.

I've finally stepped up to the plate and offered to volunteer for a hockey league. First shift will be this weekend so I'll see how it goes. But I'm glad to finally do something outside of work I'm passionate about so I'm hoping it'll give me some direction as to where my career might possibly go next.

The goal is to find work I'm passionate about that I could eventually be paid for (if I move up within the organisation or by finding a different job in the same field) and that is easily "moveable" (as in can do it just about anywhere if I live on the road)

My gf also found a pretty badass  bicycle shop so I want to seriously workout this winter so I can commute to work next year and be a part of their commuting club!

Yeah I know so many projects so little time... oh well sure beats the hell out of being depressed! ;)

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Leeeeeet the sunshiiiiiine

Leeeeeet the sunshiiiiiine iiiin :)

Yes Florida's sunshine is doing lots of good. I'm still congested and got a sore throat but it's helping!

The drive down went very well. We took yesterday easy to get our energy back.

Today we're off to the beach and we might go see a hockey game  tonight.

Will see if I end up doing some kind of activity besides playing in the ocean. :)

Friday, November 7, 2014

Weird week

This week's been pretty weird. Been busy at work + dealing with my partner's anxiety due to my upcoming trip.

I'm driving down to Florida with my folks and will stay there most of the week before flying back home.

I'm super excited about it cause its gonna be fun but I know it's hard on my partner so I've been trying to focus more on what she needs in order to be ok.

So today is my last day of work (if you can call that work since I'm not sure I'm gonna accomplish much)

Looking forward to working out in the sun + relaxing + taking time away from work and the stepchildren.

:)))

When I come back though I want to start using a food scale so I stop eyeballing my portions + will start working out regularly again.

My throat is still bothering me and I'm a bit congested still so I'm trying to take a daily multivitamin to see if it can help me kick that cold to the curb once and for all.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Barely making it

I'm just now starting to feel better! It's been over a week!!!

I still get headaches + it's painful to swallow later in the afternoon and evening. :(((

And my energy levels really drop around 3-4 PM and then I'm done for the day at 7 or 8 PM .

So I cancelled next week's appointments with my trainer and nutritionist (what's the point if I've been sick for 3 of the 4 weeks since my last appt??)

Haven't swimmed either... will probably start again tomorrow.

Will slowly start working out again progressively. Don't wanna go too fast too soon in order to avoid getting sick again.

Besides that not much... making progress with the therapist. Slowly but surely. Only prob being my insurance will run out soon so I'll have to figure out if I can see her every other week instead of every week until the start of the new insurance year...

Counting down the days before my trip to Florida :)

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Sick again

I'm pissed!!

Started being sick again when I went to bed Friday night. Chills, fever and all :(((

Missed work yesterday cause I still wasn't better despite dedicating my weekend to it!

A bit better today but my throat is pretty sore.

Yeah I'm still pretty pissed. I mean I know the first time I got sick a couple of weeks ago wasn't that bad. In fact I was quite proud of myself for being able to keep working out as I was fighting the bug.

But damn this time around it really kicked me to the curb. I had zero energy and killer headaches :(

So yeah I lost my Nike Fuelband streak after over 100 days :((((

Have to start over in order to get the "Every damn day" trophy. For now I'm not even close to reaching my daily goal lol

Will see where I'm at this weekend cause my schedule is too busy this week to add workouts to my resting up plan.

Also upset cause I was planning to slowly build from where I was at by adding runs and bike rides here and there. But now this cold has knockede back a couple of paces so I'll have to rebuild to even get back to where I was before it all started :(

Oh well fall down 9 times get up 10?

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Struggling

Ok so therapy is fucking hard!

I'm struggling on multiple levels... I'm bored at work cause I dont know what I'm supposed to do while waiting for the reorganization to be over...

I also feel totally disconnected from work. I look around and see people chasing their tails and I just feel so slow compared to them. Reminds me of the Matrix. I've seen the other side and they don't... and I've made the decision of not going back to that disconnected fast paced world. I just don't know where I'm supposed to go from here.

Also pretty upset/stressed and very anxious about the stepdaughter moving back in with us. There haven't been any serious talks and she hasn't told her dad yet but every time she comes she's working on cleaning up her room and told her mom she wants to repaint it (I really don't wanna pay for that since she had already picked the actual colors but in my generous way told my partner that I might pay half but no more?!?)

I feel like everybody just wants me to fix myself so that they can all go back to whatever they were doing before I moved in. I feel it's all up to me to grin and bear it so that everybody but me will be happy.

Can't seem to be able to breathe deeply since then. I will like I'm on death row just waiting for the unavoidable to happen.

So my training sucks and I'm eating junk to try to feel normal.

My partners bday is coming up and all I feel like doing is curl up in a ball and cry until I fall asleep hoping to wake up in 5 years...

After venting at the therapist, next week we'll explore where that pain is coming from... fun fun :(

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Cool rainbow

Some more chaos

No motorcycle :( my friend had an accident with it this morning. Thank goodness he's ok (only minor scrapes and muscle soreness)

But his motorcycle isn't. Bent handlebars (which he just changed!) Gear shifter ripped off and some scratches...

So I'm pretty bummed. Still no news about the stepdaughter situation. I guess she's still evaluating the pros and cons.

I'm not that excited about the weekend since all the kids are supposed to come over for thanksgiving. I like them individually but all together they have this weird super hyper energy that drains me out.

I miss my ex... a lot... especially when I'm triggered with blended families stuff. No clue if my ex has kids now but she didn't when we were together! Lol

It bugs me that I still miss her. I mean can I even still consider her an ex? It's been what at least 8 years if not 9...

It might also be a Scorpio thing... missing the one who got away.

I dunno... pretty sure I'd miss my current partner if I wasn't with her anymore... especially all those awesome intimate moments without the kids lol

Monday, October 6, 2014

Wha?!?!?!?!

Stuff keeps happening lately...

Saw the trainer today, gained 5 lbs instead of losing 4... oh well

I was pretty happy with my workouts but knew my food wasn't anywhere near optimal. (Saw "Fed up" documentary this weekend and I think cutting sugar off is the next step for me)

Had a breakthrough last time step daughter came over so that was nice. Wasn't able to talk to my therapist about it yet cause she cancelled on me (she was sick).

Had a setback during a family dinner for my dad's bday... can't wait to talk about that as well.

And yesterday I find out that the stepdaughter is strongly considering moving back with us. Not sure I'm ready for this... Not sure I have the option to wait since it's pretty crazy at her dad's.

So yeah can't wait to see my therapist!!

And I feared I wouldn't know what to talk about....

Work is boring while waiting to know what my official functions will be (I have several coworkers and friends in the same situation) so can't say I'm very motivated lately...

Thank goodness we have a long weekend coming up :D

That's it for now, my arms are killing me from my new workout lol

Friday, October 3, 2014

Almost done

Soooooo congested! Missed work yesterday cause I had slept about 3 hours the night before.

Slept most of the day yesterday and still went to bed exhausted...

Today I feel better though so I'm hoping to have more energy this weekend.

Tired of the post nasal drip thingie... and the blocked sinuses...

Didn't go to the pool this morning. Still not sure about dry land + swim practice tonight.

Tomorrow we're heading downtown cause my gf is meeting up with a friend of hers and her anxiety is preventing her from driving there alone. So I'll see if there's a gym nearby and I'll go for a workout while she's catching up with her friend.

Stepson finished is 4 days fast today. Happy we're done bringing him water. I love him and all but my partner and I feel that we've done enough for him so that next time he needs to find his own support crew instead of always relying on us...

Not much new besides that... motorcycle babysitting starts at the end of next week do I'm hoping the weather will be nice.

The trip to Florida is fast approaching so I'm getting excited!

And I just bought a new battery for the heart rate monitor if my Garmin and I find that exciting as well (insert your "you're a fitness freak when..." here ;))

I'm totally excited by the new garmin 920 I think? Dunno when I'll have the money for it but I want I want!!!!!!

Yeah I'm a technology freak... *bigbabypouts* I waaaaaaaaaant!!