struggling is part of the deal...

I'm having a rough time lately... started going to the gym semi regularly (2-4 times a week) but been pretty laid back about my workouts.

started seeing a therapist with my partner in order to figure out how to deal with the aftermath of her daughter leaving to stay with her dad instead of us. personally I am happy she is gone but I know my partner wants her daughter back home with us.

the daughter in question has been ignoring me since last fall and I do not want her back unless she at least acknowledges my presence. and well so far it seems to much to ask! *shakes head*

I'm also frustrated to have to pay for a house in which she has a room. I want to throw all her things away and just repaint the room as a guest bedroom, but as per our last therapy session, it is not an option right now.

I don't feel it's fair that my partner expects me to pay for everything and keep her daughter's room intact while it was her decision to move out.

she keeps seeing her daughter in the house being my back when I'm at work or gone elsewhere and I disagree with that because it feels like she enabling her daughter...

and I still think I'm the only one making compromises here and it upsets me.

so yeah, on top of that put s'more stressful situations at work + me trying to change my habits into healthier one, and you've got a pretty good idea of how complicated my life is right now...

which sucks :(

I returned my Nike Fuelband cause one of the little led lights was defective. I can't wait to have it back! my friends are putting up amazing numbers (Fuelpoints) up while I'm not :((

still not doing a whole lot

working from home this week. I'm beginning to think it's as much of a transition for me as it is for my partner! lol

she's doing better and better although she sometimes feels down about how long it's taking her to get back into shape. I'm nowhere near being worried about the speed of her recovery.

I still haven't started going to the gym again :(

I've been so busy at home I'm too tired to go to the gym...

I feel like I'm on the verge of finally being serious about my goals. you know, when you are aware of what needs to be done, the efforts and all, but you're just not quite ready to commit to it yet?

well I feel more and more ready to commit to living a healthier life and getting to a healthy weight :)

in the meantime, I'll finish eating all the junk food we have home, then I'll get started! lol ;)

some kind of routine

can't believe my first week off is almost over :(

the surgery went well and my partner is doing great :D

the pain is much more manageable now and she's back home with me :)

so I cook, clean and all lol I'm her personal nurse

I even made a cheesecake in the pressure cooker! My first attempt at a cheese cake was for her bday a couple of years ago and while it wasn't done in the pressure cooker back then, it looked like rubber lol and I ended up being the only one who dared to touch it!

but not this time :) it's really good! :))

so yeah, back to workout updates... I'm not doing as much as I want but I've been doing more than I feared. I should be doing 5k fuelpoints combined with 20k steps, but I'm doing around 2500-3000 fuelpoints combined with really not enough steps! lol

but I feared I'd be under 2k fuelpoints so it's not that bad all things considered. of course I eat junk and I really don't wanna look at the scale, but as my partner is slowly feeling better, I'll start going to the gym again. (haven't been able to leave her alone in the house a lot so far, only the bare minimum to go get her meds or quick errands)

in the meantime I'm working on little home projects. I fixed a t.p. roll holder in one of the bathrooms lol, I bought 2 doorknobs to replace old ones in the house hopefully tomorrow or next week... I have a hole in drywall to fix... and a couple of things to hang up in my office. so at least I'm working down that list... lol :)

last sprint...

busy busy busy, that sums my last couple of weeks well... lol

tomorrow is my last day at work for a while... I'm taking time off to take care of my partner.

She's having surgery Tuesday and I'm nervous... her anxiety is so so leading up to the surgery, but I really don't wanna lose her. I already knew she's my soulmate, but the upcoming surgery is making me feel it even more.

so yeah, the surgery calls for 8 weeks of rest, so I'm taking the first 3 weeks off work so I can be home to take care of her without going crazy running around home + work

I'll try to be as active as I can, but not sure I'll be able to go to the gym... I might only be able to run around the block waving at my partner after each lap! lol

the #nikeplus community is awesome! I added a lot of people on my leaderboard and it's really is a strong motivator :) it's just too bad I can't really go to the gym lately... but I'll catch up soon :D

we're finally all settled in our new offices (another reason I was running all over the place!) so I'm looking forward to go in tomorrow to wrap things up before taking time off to rest + focus on getting my partner back on her feet.

random news

had an average week this week... it started as a great week, but along the way it became an average week... why?

well a friend of my partner needed a place to crash while dealing with something huge in her life... so she spent most of the week with us and since I was being the awesome partner that I am lol I spent a lot of time supporting my gf while also being there for her friend.

so I've skipped the gym on Thursday :(

and well yesterday and today were my usual weekend routine, nothing much happening... lol it's funny how it's so easy for me to hit my goals during the workdays, but almost impossible during the weekend!

I'm working on that! pfff :P

I did shovel twice today, but spent most of the day resting instead of going to the gym... not nearly enough to get my 5k FuelPoints + 20k steps... oh well

food-wise I've been doing better and better each day. so I'm trying hard to make it all come together for the upcoming week!

aiming for 4 perfect work days + hitting my goals for 2 of my 3 weekend days :)

last week I received the official results souvenir book/magazine from the Chicago marathon... reading the cheesy commercials + all the names including mine made me teary eyed! lol had a hard time realizing I really did it! it's done.. it's behind me now!

I am a marathoner! and nobody can take that away from me! :D

mini side note on the Lance Armstrong scandal : not impressed by his "confession" (he said nothing new really) and he came across as scaaaaaary! (egomaniac, sociopath, bully and more) the only thing clear is how badly he wants to compete again, which makes his life-time ban all the more fitting. Hoping nobody will give him another chance to ruin another sport (running, triathlon or anything else he might want to get involved in)

New year new goals!

ok so I've raised the bar a lil... my goal is to combine 5000 Fuelpoints with 20000 steps.

So far I'm on a 3 day streak for the points, didn't get the steps yesterday... but I don't worry too much about it.

feels great to be back at the gym :)

I've decided to stop playing hockey, I'll ask my sis if she wants my forward's gear for her bf or her son for free and I'll see if I sell or give away my goaltender's gear at the end of my current season.

I've taken a break from the trainer and the nutritionnist because my trainer left to start his own business and I don't want to start with a new trainer on a different plan. So I'm doing my current plan as best as I can before going to meet a new trainer early spring or something.

I got my appointment for my annual exam with my GP at the end of March, so I'm trying to slowly but surely lose as much weight as I can before then.

I reaaaaally loooove the NikeFuel twitter account and they keep retweeting people asking for friends to challenge them on the nikeplus.com website so I've added a couple of people with similar goals so it's really fun to try to top them :)

I also convinced a coworker to get the FuelBand so I'm cheering him on :) another coworker bought it for his gf and we'll see if she adds me :)

so yeah, taking it easy... just getting back into the swing of things. will focus more on healthy foods and increasing intensity after my partner's surgery... (I'll take some time off to take care of her... so I'll try to keep going to the gym, but I'm not sure how that will go)

Happy new year! :D

yes I am alive!

ok so I haven't blogged in a while... the weeks leading to the holidays just flew by!

and well with me working on a computer all day, I mainly focused on staying away from it the first days.

I had a very good conversation with the nutritionist before leaving for the holidays... I have to focus on not eating my emotions + finding better ways to blow some steam when I'm upset that doesn't involve eating junk food.

haven't done a lot of that lately... today we had a massive snow storm (over 40cms I believe!) and it happens that today is the first day of a major cold/sinus pain :(

I managed to go shovel a bit around lunch time, spent the rest of the day blowing my nose and drinking fluids!

oh I did go cross country skiing with my partner twice since the beginning of my vacation.

one was great, the other time was horrible... it was too icy so I kept falling and was very frustrated...

but now with the new snow, I can't wait for my cold to be over so I can go try to ski again (I really suck! lol)

but it's a nice change from running.

I haven't been on target with the fuelband... my goal is a combination of 20000 steps + 4900 fuel points

but I have been having fun with the new missions nike came up with

I only do them on easy, but I plan on raising the bar next week. if the app for the android phones could be out already, it would be much easier to synch my data :(((

yes, I did the jump...

I purchased the nike+ fuelband! so now Im trying to figure out the steps on the band vs the steps on my podometer... + the fuel points. havent set high goals for now, Ill wait 'til my next meeting with my trainer. gotta say the band is much more comfortable than the podometer... and I like the trophies + community challenges available online. Im trying to get a coworker to get a band as well lol. I have a hockey tournament this weekend (another reason I was interested in the fuepband in the first place) Ill be able to wear the band as I play! Nike still as a couple of kinks to fix, but Im willing to wait and see...

Neeeeed more steps!

Lol I pretty much nailed my weekday routine. The struggle is during weekends!

Since I work 4 days a week, my 3 day weekends need to work as well.

Friday I thought since we were going to a concert (standing room only) in the evening Id be fine, but I ended the day missing 8000 steps :(

Saturday was crazy lol. I went to the gym for over 2hours, runnning 35 min, then strength training then running again and I was still missing about 7000 steps so my partner and I decided to eat out, but get there walking! Back home I was missing around 2000 steps so I just jumped around before settling in to watch a movie.

Yesterday I was sore from all my workouts... so I pretty much gave up... think I finished with 4000 steps or so, but it doesnt include my hockey game (1h30)

Today is a holiday so I went for a 12k run/walk

Hoping Ill get the rest of my steps walking around... lol well see

So Ive got my assignments...

Strength training 3 times a week (not sure how Im gonna survive that lol Ive been sore for days from the last one!)

And I have to do 22000 steps per day. Cant do 25000 one day and then 19000 the next. I gotta do at least 22000 every day.

Im still trying to figure out what that means! Lol

Doesnt matter if I walk/run/jump around while doing dishes/dance... whatever works. And well I gotta say I like this a lot! Technically the 22k per day gets me under 200 lbs before my annual exam without even changing my diet. But since I am followed by a nutritionist and I am working on permanent changes to my diet, I will get there even faster! :)

Ive started a list of places I can walk to and how many steps that is. For instance walking to work in the morning is roughly 4000 steps.

Yesterday I was missing about 3500 steps so my partner and I walked to the library! Lol

I go to the gym every morning. So far I was only doing the elliptical machine, but this morning I did 30min of elliptical followed by 20min running on the treadmill.

Im aiming to get my 22k as I get home at night. But I also dont wanna spend more than an hour at the gym before work.

So tomorrow Ill try running to see what speed I need to go and for how long in order to reach my goal.

But so far so good :D

bday week is coming to an end

so does eating out! lol

My partner asked me if this year was my last bday cake. and you know what? I believe it is!

I could go for a bday cupcake next year... lol or she's already looking into vegan or raw options...

she's pushing me cause she wants me to reach my goals + she knows she'd have a hard time reaching hers if I'm not on the wagon... lol and I love her for it! :D

this week I'm meeting the trainer again to finish building my workout plan. we haven't covered the cardio side yet + I am going to give him my podometer numbers. I'm very curious to see where we'll go from there.

I haven't gotten my annual exam appointment yet (I have to call in December or early January for an appointment in March!) and I do know that there's xmas between now and my goal... but I'll manage!

I am very motivated and looking forward to get started on a new plan with a new trainer.

I'll try to update more often :)

New trainer

So I met my new trainer. Hes awesome so far, but then again, Im paying the big bucks for him + its quite early into our relationship lol

We didnt talk much about his background (my bad! I was more focused on answering his question instead of asking mine lol)

Different approach, he works with a podometer (that pager-looking thingie that counts every step you take)

I wasnt really into it at first thinking itd be just another gadget, but he convinced me otherwise.

After all, losing weight is simple math... you have to burn more calories than you eat.... at that point I still felt the podometer was a gimmick... lol

But hes not using it to calculate how many km I walk or how many calories I burn in a day (relying on a podometer for that would be unreliable to say the least)

Instead hes getting me to wear it right now to see how many steps a day I do. Then he will give me targets to reach in order to move more (thats when my scientific brain started buying in)

He doesnt care how I reach my targets as long as I get them. (granted standing up tapping my foot wouldnt be half as good as running, but whether I run, walk, dance around the house or jump around while doint dishes he doesnt care.

So I like that!

Pretty curious to see what his targets will be lol but very enthusiastic about it.

This week we focused on my strength training program which is what I used to do + a couple new exercises.

Next week we'll look into my cardio program :)

Woohoo!

So its my bday week (yes week, not day! :P)

So the weekend starts now :D

Looking forward to a relaxing day with my honey tomorrow :)

Supper with my folks on friday

Goodbye junk food

So Im meeting up with my new trainer this week. I am looking forward to meet him + see my new training plan.

In the meantime it feels as if Im doing some sort of junkfood farewell tour... lol had a happy hour Thursday night, pizza, hot dogs and poutine on Friday, smoked meat sandwich saturday, chips and chocolate today... oh well...

I ended up taking a 3 weeks break from the gym + have gained 8-10lbs during that time. Its about time I get serious about my training again!

My goal is to be under 200lbs by the time I see my doc for my annual exam (somewhere in March, maybe April, I dont have the appointment right now) and reach my goal weight (around 170lbs in 2013 (summer time I hope!)

So Ive got my work cut out for me and the break really did me good despite the weight gain. I feel refreshed, energized and looking forward to have a regular training schedule again.

Ill let you know my official starting weight when I get it! :P

back on the saddle

so last week I met with the nutritionist for a recap of my race. nutrition-wise we really nailed it! no stomach probs, no hydration probs, nothing!

so she was quite happy :)

now we're getting down to business about weight loss.

I'm meeting her again this week to fine tune our plan

and I'm meeting a new trainer next week. can't wait! :D

I took it very easy since the marathon, not a lot of workouts besides playing hockey + eating pretty much anything I wanted. I know I've gained weight, but didn't care.

well now it's time to get back on the saddle!

next stop : under 200lbs!

the aftermath take 2! lol

yeah I know I haven't been blogging for a while. sorry about that :(

been crazy busy at work and at home.

a lot of people experience a down, some post marathon or post-race blues after completing an event. which is why a lot of 'em just sign up for another one! lol

I've done that in the past, but this time it's different. I'm not down or feeling blue, I truly feel super happy and proud of finishing my first marathon. the only question that popped in my head afterwards was : "so now what?" lol

I had already decided that I wouldn't sign up for another race, at least not for now. I don't want to sign up for any race because I want to focus on weight loss in order to reach my "healthy weight", wherever that is... (I'm still trying to figure it out... we'll see) + I wanted to take a year off so I could plan outings with my partner without having to make it around race weekends... lol

so I got thinking... my partner keeps saying she sees me as an ultrarunner (technically I already am! lol since ultra races are anything over 26,2 miles or 42,2km and that I ran 42,9km in Chicago! lol) and I kept replying "I don't think so", I'm not really ruling it off, just not now.

Instead I got thinking about my dad... and his awesome bike that he bought 2 or 3 years ago... he took one fall in the driveway and hurt his wrist for a while (can't remember how long it took... it wasn't broken or anything, just a bad sprain) and since then he hasn't really used it so I've been wondering if he would let me borrow it for next spring/summer.

We're the same height and approximately the same weight (he's a man, so it's all belly fat, while as a woman I'm more half belly half butt! :P) + hoping his shoes will fit me (I think we have the same shoe size *fingers crossed*)

I'm having a bday supper with them next week so I wanna ask him.

if I can borrow it or rent it from him and I like it, then I could either buy it back from him or buy myself a new bike. I think it's a great opportunity for me to try it before having to buy it.

in case you haven't guessed where I'm going with this, I've been thinking triathlon... possibly even an Ironman triathlon eventually... yeah I know, I always swore off triathlons because I suck at swimming + am not much better at biking, but after following @katieRUNSthis adventures at the ironman championship in Hawaii, I've changed my mind!

@whoatemyblog 's cycling adventures inspired me as well

well the pull from the triathlon is stronger than the pull from ultrarunning right now, although I do see myself trying an ultra race or two eventually.

for now the plan is to lose weight, try cycling next year and if I like it and once I'm done needing a personal trainer + nutritionist for weight loss, I'd use that money to go to swimming masters with my partner. She's been going for a couple of years now and I've really seen how she's improved a great deal. She was already a much better swimmer than me, but now she's even better!

so yeah, I got all excited talking to her about my plans and she's looking forward to seeing me doing laps with her at the pool!

so that's the plan for now :)

I'll keep you updated for sure!

the aftermath... :P

so I'm feeling much better today. some muscle soreness still, but not nearly as bad as it was yesterday and the day before.

today I went to the Navy Pier as part of my "farewell tour" :)

it's getting pretty emotional for me to say goodbye. It's not as if I didn't expect it to be, but still.

No, my ex didn't show up, heck she didn't even try to contact me. So I decided to just block her on twitter. I mean what's the point of following me on twitter if she isn't going to reach out to me. Sure if you're part of the paranoid group you could say that maybe the twitter account isn't hers in the first place, but I'm not even gonna go there :P

yes, I did send her an email telling her I was blocking her (call it my honest nature) and that if she does want to talk to me, she knows where to reach me but that in the meantime I didn't see why she'd just follow me on twitter

so that was the extent of the "ex drama" going on during my trip.

I'm a bit sad about leaving... I don't know if I'll ever be back.

I'm not kidding myself, I know picking Chicago as the destination for my first marathon was as much about running my first marathon as it was about taking the final step towards finally moving on and saying goodbye to the city. 7 years ago I got blindsided by my ex breaking up with me so the last time I was in town I didn't know it was actually going to be my last... Now I'm finally saying goodbye on my own terms, and it feels amazing!

I'm not sure what I'll do tonight... I'm hesitating between going to a comedy club or a blues club... will see

so yeah, I'm saying farewell for now... Now that Chicago isn't only the city of my first love, but the city of my first marathon, who knows, I might be back for my 10th or 20th or something... lol

day one

I still can't believe I did it!

my official finish time is 6h21min and whatever seconds... lol the difference between the official time and my watch's is because I forgot I had an option that was pausing my watch whenever I was stopped (read pee breaks) lol that still got me into the special edition of the Chicago Sun-Times that I bought today. I'm 2/3 in, reading all the names and times and so far the slowest time I've seen is 6h30:55. It's pretty impressive to see 98 pages worth of finishers :)

today I went to the Cloud Gate to get my picture taken with my medal :)

I walked around a bit but not too much, I walk like Robocop! lol I'm doing much better than yesterday, but my quads are shot... lol so I took advils throughout the day and spent the afternoon alternating between the pool and the spa at the hotel (really a must for 1st time marathoners! lol) I'll keep using the tiger tail 'til my quads start feeling better.

I forgot to mention the most challenging part of the marathon yesterday was to stay alive! lol people kept shedding items of clothing as they warmed up so you had to dodge hats, gloves, shirts and hoodies as you ran when they weren't just tossed in the air your way... lol

it felt like one of those trail race lol

it still feels like I didn't do it... feels like I'm going to run it next week... then it felt like I ran it 2 days ago instead of yesterday... lol

so yeah, it hasn't sunk in just yet... but I got my medal! :D

wow

the race was aaaawesome! :D

It was cold early in the morning going to the gear check + waiting in the start corral but eventually the sun came out and it was warm :)

I went out way too fast, it was hard for me to slow down to my race pace when you're surrounded with lots of fast people... lol so I ended up paying for it in the end.

nothing worrisome really since my main goal was just to finish the race within the allotted 6h30time.

and I did it! :D I started being overcome by emotions around the 30th km cause I knew by then I would finish the race without having to worry about the time limit.

I was teary eyed at the 40th km and cried once I crossed the finish line

I had enough energy to run the last km and even sprint past a lot of walkers in the end. But I had been running/walking since the 30th km because every muscle of my body was so tight I was worried about cramping up. and since by that time I knew I had at least 30min ahead of the 6h30 cutoff time, I really didn't worry about it.

The course was awesome and the volunteers and spectators were amazing! :D it was so nice to run around pretty much the entire city! the signs were hilarious :) the on course animation/bands really were spot on. It was hard not to speed up past them being uplifted by the music.

I was also quite impressed, amazed and proud to witness several runners who didn't know each other strike up conversations and trade encouraging words along the way. it was really nice. that's actually one of the biggest reason why I like running in the first place.

I don't have my official finish time, but according to my watch it is 6h13min. I really was on pace to break the 6h mark, but I guess the long runs I've missed during my training came back to haunt me in the end.

Nevertheless I am extremely happy and proud of my first marathon. The medal is veeeery nice as well

of course I was heartbroken seeing fellow runners having to quit due to injuries :( seen several hobbling to the finish line helped by friends.

And the Chicago marathon was the best event I could have picked as my first one :D

the walk back to the hotel was torture! lol I was soooooo sore! :(

I ended up taking 3 advils and passing out on the bed while watching football. When I woke up I was groggy, but I was already feeling better. Not perfect, but better! lol

Tomorrow I'll go buy the special edition of the Chicago Sun-Times in order to have the complete list of finishers... I'm thinking of framing my page and hang it up in my office at home :) that might just be my only trip outside my room lol

I can't believe I did it! I can't believe it's over :(

at the 40th km mark I was thinking : "there's no friggin way I'm ever doing another one"

well a couple of hours later, I'm pretty sure I'll run another one... just not next year... I'm taking that year off from official races. I wanna tackle my next big goal first : getting to 170lbs or so. after that we'll see... but I'd like to train so I can run it under 5h next time. so we'll see

just took another 3 advils and I'll head to bed shortly. hoping I'll get to sleep like a baby! lol :D

so yeah, it was aaaawesome! :D

this is it!

I spent part of the morning walking around being touristy a bit. The afternoon was spent resting watching tv, hydrating and napping :)

now I'm starting to be stressed out about the race tomorrow... so I spent time finishing up my prep work. my bib is attached to my hydration belt, I put what I wanted in my gear check bag, my clothes are laid out and ready for tomorrow, my bottles of gatorade are ready and in the fridge.

I've been revieving the infos about the starting corrals, where to go for gear check and all... I took notes... I feel ready for tomorrow, or at least as ready as I can be! lol

I'm still not 100% sure about what I'm going to wear... prolly shorts with a long sleeved shirt on top of a t-shirt. that way if I get hot, I'll have options.

unless I get warm just getting to the start... in that case I'll ditch the long sleeved shirt and run only with a t-shirt

it's tricky cause walking around today I was getting hot in the sun... and today is supposed to be windier than tomorrow... so it's going to be a game-day decision lol

at this point I'm not worried about how much sleep I'm going to get tonight since I rested plenty today and had a good nap. so I'll just take whatever I can get :)

my plan is to start slow... after all since I'm leaving early in the second wave, I'll have a head start on the last person to start so that gives me a buffer so I stress less about finishing within the 6h30 time limit. I'll put the virtual racer on a 9min/km pace so I know if I have to worry about the course time limit. Honestly I don't think it's going to be an issue, I feel pretty confident about finishing in 6h or less, but in case I get cramps or side stitches or anything, I'll have a good idea how I'm doing.

my friend/worker told me to set 3 goals for my race and reassess along the way which one I can realistically achieve. so I've picked the following :
1- finishing the race
2- finishing under 6h
3- finishing under 5h45

so this is it peeps! will try to blog tomorrow afternoon/evening... lol